Happy 2024 readers! Thank you to those who are still following my journey. I realize it has been a while since I have provided an update. My emotions have been all over the place lately. When I first had my surgery, I was distracted by all the hills to climb and milestones to reach. I have now gotten back on two feet, so to speak, and I have now become completely aware of the "new" me. If I am being completely honest, it's not that much fun.
I try to live every day just as I had before my surgery. Most days, I feel like I do a pretty good job of that (well at least to outsiders). My wonderful son told me, "I make it look easy." The reality is, everything is SO MUCH HARDER! A few things that are harder than they were before are showers, driving, stairs, running, wet pavement and wearing shoes.
I can no longer use our shower because of the lip on the walk-in shower. I use the guest shower because I can sit on the side of the tub and swing around and stand up. I also have to use a shower chair and shower handle (yes, like grandma's use). I feel somewhat diminished to need assistive devices. I used to LOVE taking showers and now they make me feel less of a person.
Stairs take so much extra effort. Trying to carry something up/down the stairs is a suicide mission. I used to be a two-stairs-at-a-time kind of girl, now I hold on to the rail and pray I don't take the fast way down. I do admit I fell down the stairs once and it took my bruises probably a month to heal. It is so odd not having working toes to grip with. This is also why wet pavement is difficult. If it is slippery, I have no way of catching myself should I slip or trip. You never realize how much you use your feet to grip and steady yourself until you only have one that works.
I received my running blade in December from the Move for Jenn Foundation. I used it to walk in the Foundations 5K a few days later. The blade is so bouncy and I enjoy speed-walking in it! I am doing more of a walk/run combo these days. The only way I can describe running on a prosthetic is, it feels very violent. It does not feel natural to me yet. Hopefully, I can get used to it soon.
SHOES! This one is the most gut-wrenching of all. I miss wearing my shoes more than you could imagine. I recently pulled all of the shoes I can no longer wear from my closet because I could not stand to look at them anymore. Anything with a heel had to go. I am not talking about high heels or a wedge heel...I am talking about ANY heel. I cannot even wear my rain boots anymore. Any bit of a heel kicks my socket forward and makes it impossible to walk. I can wear some tennis shoes and completely flat sandals. I also have to have some type of strap on the back to keep the shoe from flying off my fffoot. (That is the name of my fake foot, fffoot! lol) I know it seems petty as hell to be so blue about shoes. It truly has affected my mental health because I feel like I can't be myself anymore. They do make an adjustable heel foot, but as you can imagine it is incredibly expensive. I am trying to reach out to different foundations to try and apply for grants to help pay for an adjustable heel foot. So far I am batting zero, but I refuse to give up.
I did receive a new socket right before Thanksgiving. Thankfully it is smaller and I can wear some jeans and pants over it. This was a wonderful accomplishment!!! I thought I was going to freeze all winter.🤣 When I wear pants over Regina Phalange (remember that is the name of my limb & prosthetic) I feel SO normal. Don't get me wrong, I am not ashamed of my leg at all, it just feels nice to not be stared at and be incognito sometimes.
I promise this whole blog is not going to be me whining! I just wanted to tell you all the uncensored truth. It is not all sunshine and roses, and this is my review of the past year. Again, if I was faced with the decision I had to make again, I would do it. I would do anything to be here for my son. I love being a mother and my job is not finished yet!
February 15th will be my one-year leg-iversary. I cannot believe a year has passed. I am grateful to have gotten as far as I have this year. I am grateful to have had another year with my son. It has been a lot on our little family, but we are still standing. I am incredibly proud of that! Unfortunately, I have surveillance scans coming up on February 12th which means I am in full panic mode. I am terrified to get the results on the 13th, but I have to try and stay positive and stay busy.
Some of you know, in the past few months I fulfilled my dream of becoming a travel agent. This is something that I have wanted to do for almost 20 years. It is a great way to keep my mind busy with something that I LOVE! I have a TA trip planned with other TAs from my company next week for a social media blitz. It will be my first time traveling alone, but it will also be a nice distraction from my upcoming scans.
*Shameless Plug* If you or someone you know is planning a trip, please contact me! This is truly my happy place and I can use this wonderful diversion. I'm on Facebook and Instagram and my email is cort@magicaladventurestravel.com. I can plan any trip anywhere! I do not just sell one company. So far I have booked trips for clients to Jamaica, 3 cruises to the Caribbean, Universal, Disney World and Italy. You name it, I can plan it for you.
I am looking to year 2 and setting goals for myself. I am hoping and praying I will have clear scans so I can breathe for 3 months. I have a 5K in April that I am looking forward to completing, whether that be running, walking, or running/walking combo. I am focused on building my book of business, reading books, finding a way to obtain an adjustable heel, enjoying the summer with my boy (who will be a junior next year!) and sadly start looking into colleges. 😥 I am grateful for every day that I am blessed with and want to use it to the fullest extent!
Thank you if you are still following along! It always makes me feel revitalized when people reach out. Just a simple "thinking of you" brightens my day more than you would ever know. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for all of your support. 🤍